This one flew by–– like, wow. I was not expecting junior year to go so fast. I'm usually not an emotional person whatsoever and I generally keep to myself and refrain from sharing emotions, but I'm beginning to tear up thinking about the last two semesters and the fact that I am officially a senior now. It's hard to accept, honestly. I don't feel like I should be a senior. I feel like I should be a freshman again. I don't feel like I've done enough yet to almost be done with college, and I feel like I have so much left to learn.
This past semester was honestly a little shaky with hard classes and issues with friends, and a month ago, I was ready to get the hell out of here for the summer. Now, I am getting sad even thinking of leaving and I am delaying packing while writing this. What changed? I don't know, but in the past two weeks, things have just fallen into place and it felt like I was finally getting my footing. Now, the floor is being ripped from underneath me. I used to crave summer as a kid–– I would tediously count down the days, begging for it to come. Don't get me wrong, I am extremely excited to go home to Savannah and see my family, but half of me is begging for it to be August. As much as I don't want to be done with college, I want it to be senior year so I can be with all of my friends again. I've made great new friends in the past few months and I seriously will miss them this summer.
This year has taught me a ton, and I feel like I have grown a lot personally. One of the biggest lessons I have learned in the past semester is that I need to start showing more emotion and telling people how I feel. I strengthened a lot of friendships in the last few months, but a few faded away. In hindsight, I now see that these friendships ended for the best, but I still wish I had told these people how I felt. Here is a list of more things I learned/realized this semester:
I shouldn't procrastinate, but I will keep doing it until the day I die. I'm the girl that writes a ten page paper the night before it's due. Horrible habit, but I would rather take Adderall and torture myself for 7 hours in a night than start something in advance. I used to be mad at myself for doing this, but now I have accepted that it's just the way I work as a human.
Share your feelings–– I said this already, but I'm saying it again for emphasis. If you're mad at a friend, talk it out. If you appreciate and love a friend, make sure they feel appreciated and loved. If you like a guy, make a move and tell him. So what if you end up embarrassed–– life is too short to be waiting around for things to happen. I regret not doing that this semester. I literally found out two days ago that the guy I liked this whole semester actually liked me back, so I should have said something earlier.
Home doesn't really feel like home anymore, and I honestly hate that so much. It's my home and always will be, but I feel like a visitor in my own house and it breaks my heart. It's a part of growing up though, which totally sucks. I've only been home once since January, and part of the reason I'm kind of sad about going home for the summer is that I know it's going to feel bizarre to live in my house again for the next three and a half months.
You'll tell yourself that you're so ready to graduate, and at the end of junior year, you'll be in an all out panic. I contemplated switching my major again yesterday so I could stay another semester here and graduate with a degree I actually enjoy, but I know that deep down it makes more sense to just stick out the major I've declared, even though it isn't my favorite.
Cut the shitty people out of your life, immediately. I really need to take my own advice on this one, admittedly. I have a really hard time with this, because I hate letting go of old friends, but toxic relationships are toxic.
Everything happens for a reason. I'm a huge believer in this. An example? This semester I had to take accounting for my business minor. I hate math. I hate numbers. I dreaded accounting. I'm 99% sure I am going to end up with a C in it, but I bonded with other people over our mutual hatred of our accounting professor, and through that, I ended up making a good friend. Accounting happened for a reason.
Make time for your hobbies, even when you get busy. This semester, I put blogging on the back burner and almost completely abandoned it all together. I most definitely shouldn't have done that because it's one thing that keeps me sane. This summer, I cannot wait to get back into doing it because it is something I genuinely love.
I need to take more risks and make more mistakes. This probably sounds horrible, but I can honestly say that the past 21 years of my life I have been playing it pretty safe. I need to pursue more opportunities instead of just living in the comfort zone and being okay with that. The comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there. I want to grow more than anything.
I could probably write another ten pages on this year, but I need to pack and go home now. It's time to move forward to bigger and better things. I'm coming for you, senior year. I might not be ready, but I am coming for you.